Problems

Just recently, my parents set up an ultimatum. They said that the internet/modem will automatically be turned off at 12.00am sharp. And they say that it's because of my brother and his downward spiral in exam results.

I think they had an argument, because tomorrow is my brother's school's open day, and his results are't exactly that good. Before I would kepo and go ask what's wrong, trying to solve the issue and make everyone happy. But now I try to stay out of it unless asked to step in and give advice or something similar. Sometimes you just can't make everyone happy. And once someone is in a bad mood, all hell breaks loose if you push his/her buttons. That's what happens in my family, although most of the time, the issue gets resolved after a while.

Probably that's the nature of Librans: wanting to please everyone and make everybody happy. But one has to realise that that's not possible all the time. Sometimes you just can't please everyone. And with me going overseas soon, I have to learn to let go and let my family deal with their own internal struggles, unless it includes me. One will get tired from trying to please everyone and making everyone happy. We're always trying to make it into a win-win situation but sometimes that's just not possible. Sometimes it'll become a win-lose situation.

Crap, and then I have to tell my dad something important regarding me when he's not in a good mood. Not really the best idea now, so I have to come up with a strategy on how to approach him with this matter. Haiz... Let me think about the strategy first...

XOXO,
Audrey Leow

Enjoying life

Life is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs, and we just have to go with the flow.

Mostly things don't go as planned in life. God will often throw at us obstacles in our life, hoping that we can solve it and become stronger human beings in the process. Everytime we think that everything's done and we can just kick back and relax, something will happen that can instantly make our lives sometimes a living hell. That's why it's important to be flexible in life. Moderately flexible, as becoming too flexible can cause a person to have no backbone and can't stand up for herself. She's always be swayed by everybody around her and not be able to make her own decisions. However, a person who's too rigid is not good either. A person who's too rigid will only know how to get to a place from A to B using that particular route, and if someone uses a different route, she'll be lost instantly without a doubt. 

Often one asks the question: Should I plan my life, or should I just live life as it is and not worry about everything? For a perfectionist like me, I spend my days and nights planning my life. Thinking about what to cook for meals, when to do the chores, what time should I do this activity, how many people are going to the gathering I'm organising, what should I study today... These are just the tip of the iceberg as to the amount of planning I do with my life daily. Take for example I'm going out with a few friends tomorrow. The night before, I'll be thinking: "Hmmm, what should I wear tomorrow? What should I bring tomorrow? What time must I reach there to be punctual? Have I really taken everything I need? *rechecks again* This usually takes me about half an hour before I sleep, and then I think that I can sleep peacefully, thinking that I have prepared for every possible scenario that can appear the next day. However, something happens tomorrow that's totally out of my imagination, not the scenario that I've prepared for, and I somehow panic inside. I panic that I might not be prepared for this scenario and sometimes forcefully put up a strong front so that my friends and family do not see that I'm actually scared inside. 

Often putting up a strong front is tiring inside though. Sometimes I just want to go to the toilet so badly and just sit in the stall and cry my hearts out, venting out all my disappointment and frustration. I thought that staying in there and not coming out can make my problems go away, and then I'll be free to do what I want again. Everybody knows that does not happen in real life. If it really was that easy, almost everybody will be using this method right now. That's where flexibility comes in. Someone who's flexible can adapt to different situations easier and can calmly decide on what to do next without jeopardising the current situation. I believe that I'm a little flexible, but I can definitely learn to be more flexible in life.

Often I envy my friends who can just smile at any unexpected change in a situation and calmly accept it and move on with life. I wish that I can become more like them and just enjoy life as it is. I am currently slowly learning to let go and do just that. Constantly worrying does the mind and body no good, but never worrying about anything isn't good either. It's important to strike a balance between the two, as important it is to strike a balance with everything in life. So now I'm just going to sit back, relax and enjoy my life to its fullest!! :)

XOXO,

Audrey Leow